Juliette is One Month Old

I thought I remembered what having a newborn is like. I thought I clearly remembered how the sleepless nights went and how the struggle to nurse is real. I thought the memories of poop cries and the intense desire to bathe were fresh and accurate.

No. I fooled myself. Newborn life is hard, much harder than my memories of this time with Max led me to believe.

Juliette is not a great sleeper and she grunts so so so loud when she trying to poop or pass gas. When it’s not the middle of the night and I’m exhausted and woken out of a deep sleep, it’s actually hilarious. But in the middle of the night, I’m like…stop being a lady and just let one rip already. It takes her so much effort that once she gets it all out, she just falls asleep.

I’m wondering if this is an indicator of a dairy intolerance like Max had (normally intolerances don’t show up until month 3 or so when their poos get all funky) so I finished off this amazing Coffee Toffee ice cream last night as a last hurrah. I’m going to wean myself off dairy (yes, dairy dependency is real, you guys, I promiseeeee) and see if that helps her a little.

But, despite it all, I’m generally very happy with everything. My daughter is beautiful and actually a lot of fun to hang out with when she’s awake and I feel so grateful for this life of mine. My husband is very hands-on and insists on some nights that I sleep in the guest room so I can get a decent night’s sleep. I’ll wake up to pump and then go back to sleep and he comes to collect the liquid gold for the girl. It’s a wonderful arrangement and I have him go get him own good sleep on some nights. And then there are nights where we both are hands-on with the little lady and take turns getting up. We realize that in these early stages it’s very important for us both to get adequate sleep, especially since we have Max we want to hang out with during the day.

Mike also has six weeks off of work. With Max he had one week and while his work schedule as a nurse allowed him to be home more often than not, it’s hard doing everything by yourself so early on, especially since he works night shift. I can’t imagine having to do the same with two kids. Having him home for six weeks allows us to really get the kids into a routine that will last when he does go back to work.

Juliette is getting great at tracking and trying for eye contact. Her eyes do widen when we speak to her, like she’s taking it all in. I hope she turns out to be inquisitive and a lifelong learner. I hope she always questions why. These are things I think about when I see her facial expressions.

Speaking of facial expressions, this little lady smiled at me the other day. Legitimately smiled a non-gas smile.

And my heart melted.